Radically Accepting The Reality of OCD
You might find yourself thinking “I just wish that these thoughts would go away, I hate feeling like this!”. While feeling this way is undoubtedly natural, it can actually be doing you more harm than
Some days, it may feel like there is nothing to do but struggle with our OCD. While we manage to muster up the strength to get out of bed and coast through the day (though sometimes even doing just that is too overwhelming), we are incredibly aware of the time and joy that OCD has robbed us from.
This awareness often puts us into an even worse place because we now focus on how stuck we feel and begin to resent the very way that we feel. As this resentment grows, so too does our resentment for our OCD. You might find yourself thinking “I just wish that these thoughts would go away, I hate feeling like this!”. While feeling this way is undoubtedly natural, it can actually be doing you more harm than good.
The inner critic begins to chime in and makes us feel as if we are failures for not getting better and that it is our fault for having these thoughts. If we didn’t want them, we would just stop thinking about them, right? Wrong. The more we try to push thoughts and feelings out of our minds, the stronger they will return.
Radical Acceptance
This is where radical acceptance comes in. Radical acceptance is a form of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that focuses on embracing not only the bright and sunny parts of life, but also the darker, more negative parts as well. By putting this into practice, we can avoid becoming ensnared in a spiral of these negative emotions. By learning to accept life as it is–a complex web of positive and negative thoughts, emotions, and feelings–we can begin moving away from distress and towards peace.
During my lowest lows of OCD, I remember hearing about radical acceptance and understanding that it was something that could truly help me in the long run. I wanted nothing more than to put these new skills into practice, but it was just too hard. How was I supposed to ‘accept’ the fact that I was scared of pedophilia (POCD)? The fear and anxiety of accepting these thoughts were my biggest hurdles in getting better.
If this sounds like you, I hope that this post can help you to build up the courage to begin retraining your neural pathways using this method.
The first thing I want to highlight about radical acceptance is that accepting the reality of the feelings you are experiencing does NOT mean that you approve of the thoughts. Accepting the fact that you are having thoughts is just that. Only your actions have an impact on your reality–thoughts and feelings are not powerful enough to change who you are as a person. The aim of radical acceptance is not to rid ourselves of these thoughts, but to accept that they are out of our control, even if we don’t like them.
With that said, imagine that you are someone suffering from pedophilia-themed OCD (POCD) like I was. You might be constantly experiencing anxiety that you are or will become a pedophile. Radically accepting these feelings does not mean you are accepting that you could become a pedophile, but that you are acknowledging and accepting the feelings you are having. This might look like taking a moment to think to yourself, “I’m feeling a lot of anxiety and shame about this. I don’t want to be feeling like this, but I understand that in this moment, there is nothing I can do to get rid of these feelings.”
By welcoming these emotions and experiences with kindness, we are actually reducing the power that they hold, and will help us process them in the long run. In OCD, we want control over our obsessive thoughts and want nothing more than to get rid of them. Radically accepting that we do not have control over our minds actively contradicts what OCD is trying to get out of us. Instead of feeling the need to control these feelings by performing compulsions, when you begin to accept that feeling anxiety or shame is a normal part of life, it can help reduce the urges to perform compulsions–which in turn will begin to reduce the frequency of these thoughts and feelings.
So, how can you start implementing radical acceptance into your journey? Below are some examples of how you might find yourself able to begin practicing radical acceptance.
Mindfully recognize the moments in which you are resisting or questioning your reality.
“I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”
“I just need these thoughts to go away so I can feel better.”
“I’m always such an upbeat person, I can’t be feeling this.”
Remind yourself that the way you are feeling is out of your control and that you do not need to resolve them immediately.
“I’m unhappy that things happened that way, but it is what it is.”
“These things happen, but it’s not my fault.”
Acknowledge that despite the pain you are feeling in this moment, that life is worth living.
“These thoughts do not define me. Life is a journey and today is just one of the low moments.”
“Regardless of these thoughts, I’m going to participate in life to my fullest extent.”
Reflect on your situation and give yourself grace.
“I have OCD, which means I will have unpleasant thoughts from time to time. This doesn’t mean I have to agree with them.”
“I may be missing out on parts of life I want to experience right now, but that’s okay.”
“I am strong despite feeling this way. Taking on these emotions really shows how much progress I’ve made.”
Radical acceptance is about grounding yourself in the present and feeling whatever it is you are feeling. You cannot change the past, nor can you predict the future. Instead of living in regret for how you should have done things or in fear of what might happen in the future, direct your focus onto your current goals and values, while leaving room for any emotions you are feeling to join you. Radical acceptance is not the cure-all for OCD, but it can make Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) less daunting.
By becoming a more accepting person, you will be able to reduce the energy spent on compulsions by reframing your mind to let go of the unwinnable task of trying to control your obsessive thoughts. Once you begin to turn away from the false sense of control given to us through compulsions, it’ll open the door to practice better habits in the future.